Recently, a close friend drew my attention to a hilarious blog comprised straight of real telemarketer calls this one, might I add very comical, guy Michael has with people who’ve been ringing him off the “Do Not Call” list. Well instead of getting angry, he gets even quite nicely. Here’s an excerpt of one post below… it’s a quick read so dig in during lunch. And don’t miss out on other amusing convo’s from CallHating.com.
Pretty Kitty
Telemarketer: “Yes, I’m looking for a…Michael [name redacted]. Is he available?”
Me: “He sure is! Do you mind holding on a second?”
Telemarketer: “Sure, no problem!”
Me: [puts phone down] “Who’s daddy’s little pretty kitty? Is it you? Are you daddy’s special little pretty kitty?”
Me: [picks phone back up] “Sorry about that. Yes, this is Michael.”
Telemarketer: “No problem, Michael. My name is Roger and I’m with Unfocused Marketing, LLC. How are you today, sir?”
Me: “Oh I’m good. Hey, do you mind holding again?”
Telemarketer: “Um, sure. That’s fine.”
Me: “Great, just one second.”
Me: [puts phone down] “Oh you are just the prettiest little kitty kitty kitten. It’s true! You are! You are just a precious little bundle of love. Yes you are! You want a little sweet treat? OK, he’s a little sweet treat for little kooky kitty. You don’t want it out of my hand? Here, eat it right out of daddy’s mouth. Theeeeere you go. That’s a good pretty kitty. Om nom nom.”
Me: [picks phone back up] “I’m sorry about that, Roger. What were you saying?”
Telemarketer: “That’s quite alright, Michael. I’m calling today to introduce potential customers to a wonderful special we’re running on MoneyWasters Magazine that could get you up to 30% off a yearly subscription.”
Me: “Wow, that sounds like a great deal! I hate to do this to you again, but do you mind holding just one more time?”
Telemarketer: [feigning empathy] “No problem, sir. It happens. Take your time.”
Me: “Thanks for understanding, Roger. It’ll just be a second.”
Me: [puts phone down] “Is that a little poopie on your lil’ button nose? Baby pretty kitty munkin’ butt, you are stinky! Does’t kitty daddy have to give you a bath in the sink? Oh yes you are. Kitty is going to get her little pretty kittie patootie nice and shiny for kitty daddy.”
Telemarketer: [muffled laughter]
Me: [picks phone back up] “I’m sorry, Roger. I’m back. No more interruptions, I promise.”
Telemarketer: “You sound like you have your hands full over there.”
Me: “You know it, Roger.”
Telemarketer: “New kitten?”
Me: “I’m sorry?”
Telemarketer: “Are you taking care of a kitten over there?”
Me: [pause] “I’m talking to my grandmother.”
Telemarketer: [silence]
Me: “Hello? Are you still there, Roger?”
*click*
Get Naughty!